Let’s talk about cunnilingus. Yeah, eating pussy. Going downtown. Lip service. Whatever you wanna call it, if you’re gonna do it, you better do it right. And not just “good enough to get to the main event,” but so good that your partner can’t walk straight after and smiles every time they think about your face. We’re talking being remembered for a skill that many men claim to be great at and making “your partner” so punch drink with pleasure that she needs some time to bask in the afterglow after multiple, mind blowing orgasms. She can’t think straight but she’ll remember you for how you made her feel… hard to beat that.
Here’s the truth, my fellow pleasure-givers: great oral sex is not just about technique—it’s about tuning in, being present in the moment, and paying attention to important cues. So, let’s break down how to take your oral game from “decent” to “damn, that was legendary.”
1. Foreplay Starts Before the Tongue
This isn’t NASCAR—you don’t just drive fast and hope for the best. Slow. It. Down.
Warm things up with kisses, whispers, eye contact, and maybe a little tease. This is the intimacy that so many women crave, and so many folks miss. Caress her thighs, trace circles with your fingertips, breathe just above her skin—build the anticipation. You don’t need to be a “total tease“ but don’t go straight for the action right away. Most men forget that women are like crockpots and men are more like microwaves. We can be hard and ready to go in no time but women need to be warmed up and really be in the mental and emotional space where they feel safe and turned on by every move you make. Be subtle but confident. And realize that you’re fixing to rock her world like no one else has.
Kiss the inside of her thighs, make her feel like this time and experience is super special and reserved just for her enjoyment.
Now, keep in mind, Confidence comes from patience. You’re not just giving her oral; you’re building a full-body experience that is reserved just for you and her. Let her know with every move that you’re not in a rush— and that this is the main event. If something happens, after this that involves your pleasure, that’s fine. But that is not on the table right now. It’s about her and that is where your focus should be at this point.
One of the favorite questions that I like to ask before I start the foreplay process prior to the “main event” is, “Are you ready for this?“ A vast majority of the time the answer is going to be “yes“, and the truth is, if you follow some tips in this article, she probably could never prepare or be “ready for this”. The truth is, it doesn’t get much better than this.
2. Communication Is Sexy
I have heard it said many times from a very famous podcast, who happens to also be a doctorate of sex therapy, that “communication is the lubrication”.
So many people miss this point, regardless of their gender. The focus needs to be to create a chill vibe where she feels safe to share her preferences. Say something like, “I want to make you feel amazing—show me what gets you off.” This conversation needs to happen before things get rocking. Most of us are aware that everybody gets off a different way and we need to best understand what is needed to get them there so that will help us be better at our “oral game“.
One of the partners that I’ve been with likes a little bit of pain to be in the mix and nothing extreme, but she likes a little bite on her inner thighs or a pinch or anything like that to be able to fully get herself off.
Understanding this helps me cater whatever I’m doing to be able to increase her pleasurable experience during our time together.
Now, this is the part of this article that I really need you to pay attention to, because most people miss this point completely, listen with your ears and your eyes and read the body language that you are experiencing. Moans, gasps, tensed muscles, hips lifting to meet your mouth—these are all green lights. Silence or stillness? That might mean it’s time to switch it up.
Follow the lead of your partner here. If something isn’t working, try something else. Read the pleasure language. The first time I am with a woman, and we start with oral pleasure, she always comes first, literally and figuratively. And all that exists in the universe to both of you is the experience that you’re having together. Clear her mind from any concerns and build trust in the process. Experience this like you were the only two people on this planet and nothing else matters. Looking at it like this will make this extremely intimate and meaningful for you both.
3. The Clit Is Queen—But Treat Her Right
Yes, the clitoris is the pleasure center. But don’t just dive in like a starving man at a buffet. That’s how amateurs roll and I’m not writing this for amateurs. It is “A-GAME Time“.
Now, Pay attention here.
Start with soft, slow licks—imagine you’re painting gentle strokes with your tongue. Get to know her rhythm, her reactions. Let her body guide you. Put some variety in the mix and don’t forget to kiss her in the general vicinity of her genitals in this mix.
And, for goodness sake’s, don’t go full tongue tornado unless that’s what she clearly wants. Many women prefer indirect stimulation at first. Use your lips, your breath, even your nose. Be creative, be attentive, and never underestimate the power of a well-timed pause. Think about music for a moment. As a classically and contemporarily trained musician, it’s not playing the notes, but it’s a space between the notes that really count. Take for instance, Blues music, and the meaning and significance of why each note is played and the meaning that it conveys. That might be a deep thought for this article but it is the space between the lines that so many people miss.
4. Fingers + Mouth = The Holy Combo
While your tongue is doing the talking, let your fingers join the conversation. But don’t just poke and hope—start slow, with one finger, and match your motion to the rhythm of your tongue. Unless specifically requested, finger should not be introduced until things are well into action as far as the pleasure mode goes. When you insert one or two fingers, Curving upward toward the G-spot while you’re gently licking the clit, you will be able to read your partner and figure out what’s working and what can work better for her. This isn’t about you, this is about her and the experience that you were giving her. It’s not a destination, it’s very much a journey but now you’re playing on “expert mode”.
I had one partner within the last year communicate to me that would pleasured her the most was to be soft on the outside and hard on the inside with an oral play as well as with intercourse. This was a lesson that will apply to a lot of women, but certainly not all.
Communication here is gold—ask if she wants more pressure, more fingers, or a different pace. “Give her the mic” without making it awkward or “weird“.
5. Position Matters (And Not Just Hers)
Want a pro tip? Lying flat between her legs is fine, but there are angles that make things better for both of you. Try lying on your side between her legs, or kneeling while she’s on the edge of the bed. Even having her ride your face (yes, you heard me) can be a game-changer.
A “leg wedge pillow“ or “bed wedge pillow“ can help you both with being comfortable and experiencing maximum pleasure in both giving and receiving.
Let her find her sweet spot and ride the rhythm. And don’t be afraid to adjust your position to avoid neck strain— because oral pleasure heroes need healthy spines too.
6. Talk Dirty—But Keep It Real
A well-placed moan, growl, or dirty whisper can send shivers down her spine. Tell her how good she tastes, how sexy she looks, how much you love pleasing her. Make it authentic. Make it primal. Make her feel worshipped, not just licked.
One tip here that I’ve noticed that has increased my partner‘s pleasure is for you, as the giver, to moan or otherwise express how much you were enjoying this, even if it’s nonverbal. This is an emotional process for a woman, and you conveying that you are receiving pleasure from pleasuring her, will typically improve the situation for both of you. She will want you more when she feels that you are enjoying this experience in some way like she is, even when her motor is running, and she’s the one that is receiving all that you give. When you can convey enjoyment of the process of licking her and making her orgasm, this all compliments, this part of the experience.
I have one partner with pretty large labia, and I love this because it gives me something that I can suck on or lick or otherwise pleasure even further than a woman with recessed labia. The first time I was with this partner, she was very nervous about me going down on her because she had reservations and was very self-conscious about how large her labia were. Once I conveyed to her that I enjoy large labia, and that I would give her the best pleasure that I possibly could, that built trust and she had some amazing orgasms that followed that after she let go of her fear of not being accepted or loved. Remember, women need to feel safe to be able to be turned on.
7. It’s Not a Race—It’s a Journey
She might not orgasm the first time. Or she might need multiple peaks to get there. Either way, keep your ego in check. This is about her pleasure, not your performance. Be patient, stay present, and let the connection build naturally.
And if she does cum? Don’t pull away too soon. That post-orgasmic hypersensitivity can be exquisite if handled gently. Lick softer, kiss slower, ride that wave with her. Move with her hip gyrations and follow her through the peak of climax until she gives the verbal or non-verbal queue that she wants you to pull back.
Before and during this process, if you can, hold both of her hands with both of your hands. This creates an even deeper emotional experience for both of you living in the moment and staying connected like this experience is the present moment. All that is. All that matters. No distractions. Just you and her. That’s all that matters in the moment.
One of the key things that I do after I get a “stop” or “pause” hand gesture is something that I have seen. Very few men do in person or on a any kind of erotic film. When I’m getting ready to teach, here is very intimate and will likely make her very safe.
Take your dominant hand and and cover her genitals with it. Do this for at least 30 seconds. Maybe more. Your mileage may vary. Most women that I’ve been with don’t understand why I do this, but they tell me in the afterglow stage that they understand why I do it. I believe that MOST men miss this, so please pay attention.
I learned this gesture from a renowned sex therapist through one of his video series that I purchased, and it works every time with helping my partner, feel safe and protected after an incredible, mind blowing orgasm.
As she recovers, she will begin to realize with your hand there for even a short period of time that you are protecting the most sacred area of her body. This is going to likely lead to other great things during the rest of your quality time together in the bedroom.
Again, when she feels safe and feels protected by you in an otherwise potentially vulnerable state, the sky is the limit on her respecting you and wanting to return the favor. This might involve a blow job for you or a 69 that would please both of you at the same time, or any number of other things that could happen as a result.
Now, if she is so worn out from having four orgasms or has lost count of the amount of orgasms that she had because you did such a great job, she may be a bit of a “wet noodle” at this point”. She may need some time and space to gather her mental and physical faculties after the fantastic job that you just did with pleasuring her orally.
Be patient with this. Don’t think with your balls and your dick. What she likely experienced was very emotional, very intense, and maybe something that she hasn’t experienced like this before.
Give her “agency” and give her both the time and space that she needs to recover from all this great fun. Part of what I do in this case is not worry about me getting a blowjob or anything sexual having to do with me. I will do something that a lot of guys don’t do, and hold her, hug her, make her feel important and closer.
Even if you are in a non-monogamous relationship, that is still your special time with this partner and it’s an important connection to foster.
So chill with her, make her feel like she is the focal point of everything you are for that moment or for the moments that proceed that. You really don’t know what’s going to happen next, but for the first part of your sexual adventure, being concentrated on her pleasure or her having multiple orgasms will go a long way when it comes to it being your turn and for her feeling emotionally safe and connected with you in giving you reciprocation.
Being great at oral sex isn’t about having a magic tongue. It’s about paying attention, loving the experience, and treating your partner’s pleasure as your priority.
Every vulva is different. Every woman has her own preferences. The key is to approach each time in this realm of possibilities like a beautifully messy, wildly erotic exploration.
I encourage you to think of this exploration in improving your female oral pleasure skills with your partner, for the intimacy, the connection, and the meaningful satisfaction of knowing you were the one who made her toes curl. You might become a hero to her in a way that she never thought possible.
If you take the time to hone in on your partner’s preferences and responses to what you are doing with her when you are practicing your skills, you will both have a happier and more enjoyable experience.
For the sapiosexual and demisexual folks like mine, this is a very emotional part of sexual play and should be treated with a respected deserves.
Do not rush, watch and listen well to verbal and physical cues, and respond accordingly.
The most memorable time when I realized that I was capable of incredibly satisfying a woman with oral sex was when I made a partner cum so many times from orgasms that we soaked the entire waterproof bedspread on a king size bed and she could hardly form words because she was in such a blissful afterglow. Trust me, she will never look at you the same again.
I hope you picked up at least a couple of tips from this article which can help you in your sexual journey and thank you all so much for your support.
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